Too Late Now

Anytime I think about it I get a nervous butterfly feeling in my stomach.

If I look out and up from my office window I start to feel very little.

What the hell did I sign myself up for?



1,250 people, 40 floors, 870 steps, and 633 feet into the sky.

It sounded like a good idea at the time...

34 going on 13

I find I do my best Googling while I'm sitting in the office with no one around and not much to do.

I keep a running list of things to look up, questions the kids have that I can't answer like what's the difference between an asteroid and a meteor? or random thoughts I have. The random thoughts have to be carefully worded while searching at work otherwise those stupid filters kill all of my fun.

While facebooking at work (yes I'm an asshole that does it) I read something wrong and thought it said MASH and I died laughing. I didn't think of M*A*S*H the TV show but the fortune telling game that my sisters and I spent hours and hours doing and re-doing trying to get the exact fortune we wanted to hear.

So I googled M.A.S.H. Most results came back with the TV show, except one. That one result provided me a full afternoon's worth of entertainment.

Middle School Survival (your guide to surviving Middle School)

Holy Hannah. They have quizzes like Are you are cool and confident or shy and unsure? Are you spoiled rotten? and What's your crush style?

I couldn't stop myself. I took most of the quizzes.

I spent some time with the ultimate M.A.S.H. game



and built my ideal crush.



I read through every single entry in the Hall Of Shame and was disappointed to see the OMG Message Board is not working yet.

Is it weird that I'm browsing this tween site and finding all sorts of entertainment? Meh, maybe a little, but then again I woke up this morning with two huge zits and the latest blog entry is asking for help on how to get rid of a zit or at least cover it up. Apparently I haven't left puberty after all...

Childish

I should have known I was screwed the first time Alex asked for a dog. Once the first request was made they became very frequent. Even Olivia started asking for a dog. (except in her head it was going to be pink and green and a girl) The more Alex asked the more guilty I felt for saying "hell no".

I was perfectly content to be pet free. No dog shit to clean up, no dog hair to vacuum up every day, no dog food or vet bills and best of all, no dog to yank me around on a leash or try to steal food off the table.

Almost 6 months pass with frequent requests. Dave and I held firm, we like being pet free.

Then Dave starts to say "Ya know, I always liked having a dog growing up."

Fuck.

So we start looking for a dog but I had a few rules. I had to be able to control the dog on a leash and it WILL NOT EVER AND I MEAN EVER crap on the floor. No puppies and no small jumpy yappy little thing. Oh, and Olivia had to be OK with being around a dog.

Until this point she acted like the hand of Satan was reaching for her whenever there was anything little and furry near her. It didn't matter what it was, dogs, cats, rabbits, squirrels... and babies that crawl, and puppets, and her grandpa.

It didn't take much looking and we found Charlie.

After a day with Charlie in the house I was really warming up to him. He was exactly what I wanted. Very quiet and chill in the house, he already knew many commands and liked his kennel. Dave liked that he wanted to play outside.

Last night I'm sitting in the bathroom giving the kids a bath and I hear Dave say "Charlie, wanna go down to the shop with me?" I hear his toenails clacking on the floor as he follows Dave downstairs.

The kids start to get a little louder and an absurd storyline starts building in my mind.

Oh I see... Dave wanted a dog not a family dog and I get to sit here in the bathroom giving baths to two screechy kids while Dave gets go downstairs to the quiet basement and why wouldn't the dog want to go downstairs when its quiet down there and I'm never going to bond with the dog and the dog wont like me and pretty soon he will start letting the dog in our bed and my pillow is going to get all funky and he'll have a companion and I'll have nothing but a stinky funky pillow.

Just then I feel a little nudge on my back. Charlie is standing behind me and looks me square in the face then licks my nose. I'm sure a normal person would end their illogical internal rant at that one show of affection and I did start to melt.

Then Dave walked in the bathroom to show me something he had just done in the shop.

RRRAAAWWWRRRRRR!

"Cant you see I'm busy taking care of our kids while you're taking it easy hanging with the dog in the basement and I don't ever get to take a break?"

The poor guy walked into my little hornet's nest and didn't even see it coming.

I hate when I have to admit that I'm being unreasonably childish.

Garanimals

I am OCD about a lot of things: how towels are stacked in the closet, sorting mail by size before opening, all silverware MUST be handle side down in the dishwasher and don't bother putting dishes in the dishwasher because I'll reorganize it as soon as you walk away.

Another hangup I have is my clothes. My pants must be folded a certain way and my closet is bizarre. My shirts are hung facing the same direction and they are organized by color. When Dave does laundry, I can tell within seconds if he hung a shirt of mine or put pants away. It took a few times before he has figured out its easier on all of us if he just stacks my laundry on our bed and I put it away.

You would think with as organized as my clothes are I could get dressed quickly and generally look put together. Sadly, I have just enough fashion sense to not stand out. I quit wearing shoulder pads, I don't roll up my pant legs, safety pins are functional instead of decorative, and I've never worn a Tweety t-shirt.

Every top in my closet is a solid color and I rarely venture out shopping on my own. I stand in front of my closet for a long time trying to come up with some new way to mix it up and still end up pairing the same things together. I was proud of myself when pushed myself out of my comfort zone and bought red and pink. I am incapable of looking at a pattern and deciding if its good or not. Patterns always look fantastic when other people wear them, on me it looks as wrong as a sweater on a cat.

Yesterday was yet another example. I used Google to figure out if it was OK to wear grey and blue together or if I would look like a huge bruise.

Since I will never be wealthy enough for my very own personal stylist, I think someone needs to make Garanimals for adults.

Vegetarians

I wanted to see if I could turn vegetarian for a full 30 days. I love cooking and I thought it would push me out of my comfort zone. Ultimately, I just wanted to see if I could do it.

Dave announced he wanted to try it with me the day I planned to start. The guy that wont eat vegetables unless I hide them in meat wants to see if he can go a whole month without eating meat. The guy that started picking vegetables out of the vegetable lasagna until there was only cheese and pasta left and got more and more irritated with every zucchini chunk thinks he can eat enough vegetables to sustain life. The guy that gagged on a chickpea that I snuck into one of his sandwiches thinks he can get enough protein. I figured he would last a few days, cry uncle and send me off to the grocery store to replenish our supply of flesh.

That night I made poblano and mushroom tacos. I didn't bother making them look fancy. He knew there wasn't meat and I wasn't about to waste time on making it look good if he wasn't going to eat them. 6 tacos later he said "If all of our meals are like this one I don't think I'll miss meat"

We are a little over two weeks into it and I'm not sure I'll go back to eating meat. I thought I would crave meat but the longer I go the less appealing it sounds. I don't feel weighed down after meals, I'm enjoying tracking protein instead of calories, and I've dropped a pound and a half.


Poblano and Mushroom Tacos
Adapted slightly from Epicurious.

2 T Oil
1 poblano chile, seeded, sliced into thin long strips
1/2 small red onion, sliced
2 c crimini mushrooms, sliced
1 t cumin
corn tortillas
thin slices Monterey Jack cheese
cilantro
crumbled feta
diced tomatoes

Heat 1 tablespoon vegetable oil in large skillet over medium-high heat. Add poblano chile, onion, and mushrooms; sauté mixture until brown, about 5 minutes. Mix in ground cumin. Season and transfer mixture to medium bowl.

Heat remaining 1 tablespoon vegetable oil in same skillet over medium-high heat. Add tortillas in single layer, draping up sides of skillet to fit. Divide mushroom mixture among tortillas, mounding on only 1 side. Place slice of Monterey Jack cheese atop filling in each tortilla. Fold plain tortilla halves over filling and press firmly. Cook until tortillas are brown, about 1 minute per side. Transfer tacos to plates. Open tacos; sprinkle with cilantro, crumbled feta, and toppings.

social asshole

Life caught up with me and I quit writing. Every time I sat down to write I would struggle with what was on my mind and not feeling comfortable writing about it on the webernet. I'm ready to move on.

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My brother and I took my sister out to sushi today to celebrate her birthday.

(saying "I went to sushi makes me feel like a grown up... except I still refuse to eat anything that comes out of the water and yes that includes the seaweed the stuff is wrapped in so I go straight for the avocado and vegetable rolls with soy paper and make gag noises over the real sushi)

At some point after we got our edamame and steeped our tea and before our food arrived I pulled my ipod touch out of my purse. I'm at the mercy of any random hot spot I can find so I check anywhere I think I might get lucky. The restaurant didn't have a public network so I put my ipod down on the table and rejoined the conversation.

We sat there for about an hour talking and eating. The waiter stopped by several times to refill our waters and check on us. I was having too good of a time to notice anything going on around me.

I figured I should pack up my stuff and get my wallet ready for the bill. I turn towards my purse sitting next to me on the bench and then I see it.

A maxi pad sitting on top of my coat.

Not just any maxi pad either. MY super long maxi pad that I hastily pulled out of the bathroom cabinet and shoved in my purse as I was trying to hurry out the door making a mental note to put pads on my grocery list. I had plenty of pads, I didn't have the travel kind that are neatly folded and wrapped in plastic to keep the crap that collects on the bottom of your purse from sticking to it and making it a little more discreet. It came out of my purse when I pulled my ipod out.

There it sat, 3 feet from the person sitting at the next table sharing the bench with me. Less than 2 feet from the waiter that I thought was so nice keeping my water glass filled. 4 feet from the host that was sitting just behind my bench waiting for more patrons to come in. The only way I could have made it more embarrassing was to remove the paper backing and wear it like a sticker on my shirt.

Lesson learned. Quit being a social ass hole and karma wont have a reason to publicly humiliate me.

First days of school

14 more years of this to look forward to.