Bionic Woman

Dave decided it was time to clean out his dresser cabinet to make space for shorts. Out goes the jeans he hasn't worn for almost two years and the 20 pairs of black socks he used to wear while he was a cop. Out it went onto the floor right in front of the dresser.

"I'll get that cleaned up..." he promised.

I was pretty patient waiting for him to clean it up and find a place to stash the stuff. I was even vacuuming around it.

I finally couldn't take it and told him I was going to pack it away downstairs with the kids winter clothes.

"Huh. I was waiting to see how long it would take you to say something or just clean it up. I thought it would only take a few days but its been 2 and a half weeks. I've been making a point to walk a big circle around the pile just to see if you would say anything."

GAH!

That was 3 days ago. Guess what pile is going to sit there until it rots?

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Nebraska is flat. Very very flat. Stand on a soup can and see the whole state kind of flat. Omaha is amazingly hilly. Especially the older part of Omaha. There are very few streets in my area of town that are flat for more than a block or two. Lots and lots and lots of hills.

I set some ridiculous benchmark in my head based off of what I was running 20 months ago and I didn't want to see how much I sucked in comparison so I've stuck to the treadmill and the junior high track and twice on a bike path.

Today was the first day I tried running the neighborhood. 20 months ago I was running the 3 mile route at a 12 minute mile. Today I ran the 3 miles at a 10 minute mile.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I might be bionic.

lil bits

Sad. Two weeks have past. I made this blog to get everything out of my head when I need it out but sometimes I'm afraid of facing what's in my head long enough to get it out.

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We called the child victim line to get more information on what we can do for Alex and we were told we have to wait until he has a visible mark. Which means we cant do anything. Yet. Alex will start getting baths the moment he gets home so we can see every inch of him.

There are no words to describe how it feels knowing what is happening and not able to stop it. Yet.

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Dave's surgery affected us in ways neither of us expected. He started going to bed with me and waking up with me during the few days he was forced to take it easy. Turns out he really likes it and has changed his schedule to match mine. The last time we kept the same schedule for more than a couple of days was right after we were married.

So this is what its supposed to feel like... I like it.

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This weekend we went for our first family bike ride. It felt picture perfect. Alex surprised the shit out of me and pushed us into going further than we planned on taking him. The kid went a little over 3 miles on Saturday. I'm so proud of his tired little legs. Turns out the wide bike path was just what he wanted. Flat and fast.

Olivia is in love with her bike trailer. She kicked back, propped her feet up and yelled to go faster. She should try pedaling if she wants to go faster.

The next day Alex was begging to go on another ride we we hopped on a different path where we would be shaded most of the way.

I nutted up, gave up the security of the treadmill and went head to head with Dave and the kids. I ran, they biked.

3.3 miles and I kicked their asses. :)

Oh and by the way...
Fuck you foot.
I win.

redirected frustrations

I've written and edited and edited and edited then finally deleted a couple of posts. All fluffy shit about how wonderful the garden is and how great life is but really I'm mad and scared and I cant stand how stupid and fake I sounded.

Tomorrow is the big V day. Dave is getting a vasectomy and I'm still a fence sitter. I'm not sure why I'm still debating. I think I have enough to handle right now and a baby plus all of the hormones that goes with it would push me over the edge.

Maybe I just don't like being told I'm done. I don't know.

Maybe its that I have no control over Alex's future and wanting another baby would be yet another way of trying to feel like I have control over something.

Maybe I would feel better if I had known that Olivia would be my only pregnancy.

Then I tell myself to shut the fuck up and be grateful that I have two kids and no stretch marks.

I'm also over the top worried about Alex whenever he is not at home. Alex let something slip while talking to the ED about belt spankings. When Dave questioned her about it she openly admitted she uses a belt to punish Alex and her other kid.

Her reasoning was "I'm too small, too tired, and my hands aren't heavy enough"

Her hands aren't heavy enough to hit a kid... I wonder how long it would take her say "uncle" if she was on the receiving end of the belt.

Dave tried to gently talk to Alex asking him about it and to let him know that it isn't OK to be hit with a belt and to please let us know if she does it again. His response was a generic preformed answer that sounded just like the ED. I think she's threatening him not to tell us.

It kills me that he will have to be hurt again AND have proof of it before we can do anything about it.

My frustrations are being taken out on yardwork, landscaping and running.

Good news is the house is looking awesome. Bad news is I'm having to admit I'm NOT the bionic woman and my foot can (and will) slow me down. I'm not 100% yet and mornings like this morning make it pretty evident that I need to take it down a notch.

I'm a competitive jerk

Dave and I compete at almost everything. I think it keeps our marriage healthy.

A new game on the iPod means Dave and I will play it nonstop for 3 days to see who can set the absolute top score that neither of us can beat.

Starting the slow and steady process of building up running again has inspired Dave to try running (again) to drop a few pounds and get rid of the roll he calls a backpack. I'm up to 2 minutes of running one minute walking for 3 miles taking it slowly so I don't fuck up my foot again.

(I told Dave all he probably had to do was switch the 3-6 Sam Adams beers he has every night with water and it would probably melt off without any effort. He didn't like that answer.)

Dave had his third run yesterday. He told me the route and how long it took him and while he was still talking I logged into MapMyRun.com to figure out how far it really was and what his pace was.

Last night I was laughing about my score on a dumb Facebook IQ test. The moment I left the room he was off hunting down a IQ test we could take to see who is smarter. I got to gloat for 10 minutes over my 134 score until he finished his test, scoring 4 points higher.

I'm going to have to come up with some kind of bake off where I can stack the deck and finally kick his ass at something.

He's only mostly dead

I'm finally able to tolerate the fugly boot for more than a few minutes. This means I'm able to make dinner (no more nasty frozen pizzas because that's the only thing Dave learned how to make during his single days) and move around the house without hopping on one foot or navigating the toy landmines with crutches.

Dave is doing much better this time around but its still frustrating he wont let anyone come over and give us a hand but he gets frustrated taking care of the house and the kids without his normal quiet time in the shop. I had to laugh on Thursday after the kids were put back in bed for the third time when he came into the livingroom and slumped down in his chair with a loud sigh.

Dave - "I am dead. No, I'm not dead, I'm run over and run down."

Me - "Now imagine if I asked you for sex..."

Dave - "I'm going down to the shop."

That's what I thought.