Tuesday, March 3, 2009

cookies make everything better

We met with Alex's therapist again Monday. Dave and I talked with her first to see if we could help narrow down what direction they should go in.

Alex has done a complete 180 going from an angry kid to pretty happy with random unprompted compliments, super helpful and seeking out Olivia to play with. Any angry hitting has halted and play hitting is directed at pillows only. He is showing more and more how much physical attention he needs. He wants more hugs, kisses, tickling, wrestling and cuddling.

He doesn't eat rainbows and poop butterflies 100% of the time. He's just a kid and just like any other kid we have grumpy spells when he's hungry or tired.

Unfortunately the other change we've seen is a harder transition when its time for him to go to the Egg Donor's house.

Its the first thing he asks when he gets up in the morning. "Am I going to *****'s house today?" As soon as we say no he's relaxed and happy. If we say yes he tries to negotiate how many more days he should stay home.

We've figured out it doesn't matter if the ED picks him up or if Dave drives him up there. At some point he breaks down. He hangs his head and we get silent tears as he buries his face into either Dave or I.

When Dave talks to him on the phone while he's up there, he begs Dave to come pick him up.

The biggest recommendation the therapist had was for Dave to be the one to pick him up from Preschool on Mondays and take him directly to the ED instead of coming home and having a few hours before the transition. She believes a big part of the difficulty is leaving me. The hope is that not having those few hours to get settled back down at home with me will make it a little easier on him.

I'm a selfish ass and I will have a hard time with that adjustment.

She also suggested we kind of set up the ED to fail. Give her more responsibilities and wait for her to fail. It feels a little like I would be throwing Alex under the bus trying to trip her up.

She also suggested we ask Alex's preschool to document anything they can. Was she late in dropping off or picking up? Is she saying anything inappropriate in front of Alex or any other kids?

Dave and I are on very friendly terms with the preschool teacher. She and I have gone out to lunch together and we like her a lot. It didn't make it any less humbling to tell her about the problems we have with the ED and ask her to be our spy.

This week the schedule was shifted yet again and Alex didn't leave for the ED's house until last night right at dinner time. A cookie bribe worked and he headed out the door seemingly happy. Then they arrived at the ED's house. As soon as the truck was put into park his breakdown started.

Dave is a better person than I am. I don't know that I would be able to carry him crying to the door and hand him over to someone I know he doesn't want to be with.

The ED called late last night to tell us Alex cried for about an hour and a half. I think it would go a long way if she showed him a little compassion.

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