drunk ballerina

My mom and sister came over late last night because they love me and surprised me with a late night latte. Yum. The kids were just about ready for bed so I thought I would act all cool and tough I am by showing off my incisions. (because the pictures were not enough??) Alex is a little freaked out by them so I was waiting to unveil them as soon as the kids heads hit the pillows.

As our night time routine progressed Alex started complaining about his stomach hurting.

me: "Pain kind of hurting or throw up kind of hurting?"

Alex: "throw up kind"

As he's circling the living room groaning he's blowing out huge farts every other step.

me: "Its gotta be gas pains. He'll be fine. Time for bed" because I'm anxious to show off my war wounds...

The kids went straight to bed. Off comes my boot and as I'm unwrapping my foot I can hear Olivia talking to Alex.

Olivia: "you ok Alax? your belly hurting? you ok Alax?"

Alex begins to cry.

Uh oh.

Dave heads in and Alex says he feels like he's going to throw up. Dave brings him into our bathroom and sits him down and heads off to find a bucket. Why? I dunno. he was already sitting next to a toilet.

Alex begins to cry louder, Dave is downstairs and I'm the dumbshit with my boot off and foot unwrapped. I do a one legged hop as fast as I can down the hall, round the corner into my room and I smell vomit.

SHIT

Get to the bathroom doorway and there stands Alex, toilet lid down and vomit covering the toilet, splashed up on the wall, and covering his poor green footie jammies.

Fuuuuuuck

Trying to balance on one foot and strip down a poor little kid freaked out about the vomit everywhere could be a sideshow in the circus. Dave takes him to the other bathroom and gets a bath started.

I do my one legged hop again to get to my boot so I can clean up the bathroom. Trucking right along at a pretty fast clip and my fucking foot catches the edge of the rug and I go flying through the air like I'm trying to sack the quarterback. As graceful as a drunk ballerina I get one extra hop in and land my ass in the rocking chair.

"holy crap that was close. I cant believe I didn't wreck."

I lowered my head and shamefully wrapped up my foot again. So much for showing off how tough I am, instead I showed off what an asshat I am.

Poor boo.