Tuesday, August 4, 2009

sadness and disappointment

The ED and her boyfriend have broken up and their separation has taken every dramatic turn possible. Alex was home with us while most of the pot flinging and cop calling was going on. Unfortunately, the transfer day came and she still wanted him back with her.

I feel so totally guilty watching and playing with Alex knowing that his life with her was flopping around and there wasn't anything I could do to prepare him for the change. Dave and I were not going to be the ones to give him the bad news that the home he knew with her was gone and that they would have to move in with her parents and her sister and his cousins. I feel guilty that I saw this train coming and knowing he would be crushed with the blow.

I knew Alex would be crushed, the boyfriend was one of very few things he liked in that house. He has been in Alex's life for over 4 years. Alex has no memory of life before this guy. I knew he would feel abandoned and I knew he wouldn't understand why her boyfriend didn't want them in his family anymore. Its not much different than the hurt of a divorce.

He lasted less than 24 hours with her before she called asking us to come pick Alex up. Alex had quit eating and cried himself to sleep. He got on the phone Dave scared that he would be gone too.

It was pretty clear Alex was letting out some stress by finding the oddest things funny and they would send him into uncontrollable laughter. Just the words "googly eyes" left him gasping for breath.

We let him pick where we had dinner and he attacked his corn dog and fries like a seagull on a Dorito.

We got home from the restaurant and got the kids ready for bed. We figured they could both use a good night's sleep. Alex talked for a couple of minutes on what he was sad about then we spent some time trying to come up with good things about his new home with her. 3 minutes after we covered them up they were both passed out. No talking, no screwing around, no sneaking out of bed to see how far they get down the hall before they're busted and sent back to bed.

13 hours later I still had to wake Alex up.

The ED called this morning and since Alex was doing better she wanted him back. "I'll be there at noon and take him out to lunch" Another phone call mid afternoon confirmed again that she would be here by 12.

Alex clearly didn't want to go when we told him she was coming to get him so we sweetened the deal letting him know she was going to take him to lunch.

Noon comes and goes and there isn't a word from her. Play outside waiting for her to show up. She doesn't have a phone so we have no way of contacting her.

1 pm comes and I fix Alex some lunch apologizing that she wasn't there to take him out like she said.

2 pm comes and goes and we spend more time playing. Dave and I are having piggy back races up the driveway and Alex thinks is hilarious that Dave keeps cheating to guarantee their win.

3 pm comes and she finally pulls up in a car we've never seen before with no explanation of where she was or why she's so late.

More promises to Alex that we will be here whenever he needs to call us even if its 4:17 am. We tell him we love him and that we will see him tomorrow.

She drives away and Dave and I are back to drumming our fingers on the table waiting for the first opportunity to get him back.

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